The other day Susie wrote a great post about priorities vs goals. I have some goals in mind for this year, but I really liked Susie’s thinking about making things a priority. One thing I am making a priority this year is facing fears.
Let me give you a little background. I am not good at talking in front of people, especially people I don’t know. Yet, I will tell you that one of my goals in life is to get more into the fitness industry, perhaps personal training someday. The issue, this involves talking to strangers. Even if the strangers eventually end up to be my friend, I would still have to talk to them first and get to know them in order for that to happen. I like to keep to myself, I like to be independent, I like one on one working with a friend or person, but more than one person gets me more nervous. Somehow I have always found that when I tried to hang out in groups of people I end up in the back corner. That can definitely be hard, but I am slowly working my way out of the corner.
Last week I had my interview with my gym to teach yoga. Right after my yoga training ended last May, I wasn’t quite ready for that commitment to make classes and teach. I was just overwhelmed, having it all set in. To add to that I also moved right at the end of training and don’t live near a studio anymore. While I work in the city and there are plenty of studios around there, being paid for 1 hour of work and giving up about 3 hours of my night because of waiting for the train, etc, just wasn’t worth it to me. So I finally applied to my gym and a few weeks later received a call. I thought I would just be subbing at first, but they already had a Sunday class open and a few teachers were changing their schedules so I took a Monday evening class too. I had to wait until my pay rate was confirmed and I started teaching this week on Monday.
I felt I got some contradicting messages from my supervisor about yoga classes at the gym. I wish they had props but they don’t and apparently I am taking over “killer Katherine’s” class. Oh boy…I thought. As I explained above, I am kind of a shy, quiet person, though get to know me and I won’t stop talking… Anyway, even from yoga teacher training last year, I knew that I would be more comfortable teaching a somewhat slow yoga class. I do not consider myself to be a power yoga teacher, let’s put it that way. So I wasn’t sure how the class would respond, but there were a couple ladies that told me afterwards that they enjoyed my challenging balance sequence and the flow of the class. I was talking to Brian on the phone afterwards explaining to him, I can only be me. Maybe some people will stop taking this Monday night class because they don’t like me. Maybe some new people will show up because they hear my class is relaxing. I don’t really know what will happen, but I know that I can only be me. I can’t pretend to be a power yoga teacher, because that is just not me. Maybe when I get more experience and more comfortable I can, but for now, I am doing what is comfortable for me.
I am glad that over the last couple years I have really grown and have put aside what people might think of me. This has helped me in being prepared to teach. I was super nervous on Monday just waiting for the clock to reach 8pm, teach the class and be done. My sequence wasn’t really long enough, but I made up stuff on the fly to fill in the gaps and you know what? I think it turned out pretty well. I don’t think anyone really noticed too much and I know I will continue to improve my sequencing because I am teaching now.
Tuesday afternoon I get a call from my supervisor while I am at work. They need a sub for a 9pm class at a different location. 9pm??? That’s like the time I like to be in bed. I get up at 5am and I like my sleep. I somewhat felt like I had to take it. I felt like I had to show interest in teaching and help out and I knew I could practice the same sequence I already had prepared as I expected different people. I also added more breathing work in the beginning because it’s a 9pm class so I thought that would be soothing for people. I figured it out and I hope that slowly over time, the nerves I have before class go away as I get more comfortable teaching.
This is just the first step I am taking towards facing my fears and really going after goals. It certainly isn’t easy, especially sitting down after work to brainstorm a sequence, but it has given me a new challenge and you need to work your brain a bit.
Here’s to a New Year! Facing Fears, Challenges and Working towards future goals!!
Thank you Amanda for letting me think out loud.
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